Jong-un Worries He’ll ‘Crap His Pants’ When He Sees Trump, Dictator Does ‘Crazy Thing’

Kim Jong-un’s historic meeting with President Donald Trump was unprecedented for the Korean dictator who rarely leaves his hermit kingdom. Jong-un is paranoid about assassination plots, and now we know one more reason he was scared to meet Trump. It literally has to do with his bowel movements. Yep, little “Rocket Man” was reportedly so worried over crapping his pants that he did one really crazy thing.

North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-un and President Donald Trump (Photo Credit: KCNA/AFP/Getty Images, Alex Wong/Getty Images)

In North Korea, the only information the poor walled off citizens get is through Kim Jong-un’s propaganda network. Can you imagine living under the Communist rule where everything you do is monitored? They tell the people that Kim Jong-un is god-like and that Christianity is a threat.

Canada Free Press reports, “In its annual International Religious Freedom Report issued this Tuesday, May 29, 2018, the U.S. State Department issued a condemning report against the North Korean regime. The communist state considers Christianity a ‘serious threat.'”

To Kim Jong Un, those who kneel to pray and try to love their neighbors as themselves are a threat to his rule and his nation. Reports indicate that there have been 119 killings, 87 disappearances recently, and as many as 50,000 to 200,000 Christians remain in concentration camps which in every way are similar to those of Nazi Germany. None of the camps are open to inspections by the Red Cross or any other humanitarian organization. Trump is well aware of these reports.

Then, there are the crazy anecdotes about the Kim family that they tell the North Korean people. “According to the secretive state, the Kim family is too perfect to need the toilet like the rest of us. It’s a claim repeated in an official biography of the late leader Kim Jong-il and confirmed by North Korean concentration camp survivor Kang Chol-hwan,” reports the Daily Star.

In his memoir, the Aquariums of Pyongyang, Mr. Kang writes: “[They] were perfect beings, untarnished by any base human function. I was convinced, as we all were, that neither of them urinated or defecated. Who could imagine such things of gods?”

Well, it’s too bad the North Korean people did not learn what Jong-un brought with him to the Trump summit. It would shatter his god-like status. CBS News reports, “South Korean news agency The Chosunilbo reported that when Kim arrived in Singapore this week on an Air China Boeing 747, he also was accompanied by an IL-76 transport plane carrying food, his bullet-proof limousine, and a portable toilet.” 

Strange since he doesn’t poo, but there’s more information on his crapper that is mind-blowing. The report said, “While Kim has agreed to a seat at the table, however, he is reportedly refusing to sit on any of the summit’s public toilets. And accordingly, to Lee Yun-keol, who worked in a North Korean Guard Command unit before defecting to South Korea in 2005, that’s par for the course.”

“Rather than using a public restroom, the leader of North Korea has a personal toilet that follows him around when he travels,” Lee Yun-keol told the Washington Post. The reason? They are protecting against a literal info dump.

The leader’s excretions contain information about his health status so they can’t be left behind,” Lee Yun-keol explained. Wow, I’m wondering is it gold, too? Too bad this story doesn’t get back to the North Korean people, it would literally cause them to crap their pants knowing the Kim family makes poo just like all human beings.

David Nakamura tweeted, “Kim Jong Un’s cargo plane brought his portable toilet to Singapore to ‘deny determined sewer divers insights into to the supreme leader’s stools.'”

After Americans started to hear about Kim’s personal crapper being carried into the hotel where the summit was taking place, Twitter user “Adam” tweeted, “I see NK isn’t ready to give up all their secrets just yet.” Nope, if it’s in Jong-un’s poo, no way we will ever learn those secrets.

“KatsMonkey” tweeted about the personal toilet, “I’m fully at the point in 2018 where I literally can’t tell if headlines are real or The Onion.” We fully agree. When it comes to the hermit kingdom’s nutjob leader, anything goes.

In fact, other myths believed by the North Korean people include: Tubby tyrant Kim Jong-un was a child prodigy who could drive at age three.

South Korean TV station YTN uncovered the claim in a manual issued to North Korean teachers for use in class. The country’s educators must also tell kids that Kim beat a yachting pro in a boat race at age nine, the manual reveals. The claims were added to the school curriculum as part of the new subject “Kim Jong-un’s Revolutionary Activities”.

Another great one is Jong-un’s dad invented “the hamburger,” which is pretty shocking to most Americans. The current leader’s dad and former crazed dictator, Kim Jong-il, invented the hamburger in 2000. Named gogigyeopbbang, it was described as “double bread with meat” by North Korean newspaper Minju Joson.

Forget Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer of all time is Kim Jong-il. According to an Aussie reporter who snuck into NoKo back in 2011, the people believed Jong-il played one round of golf and hit eleven holes in one, and he is the greatest golfer of all time.

It’s funny to think about the really crazy myths these poor people must believe. But then we remember they are starving and live in constant fear. The military defector who made it to South Korea in November 2017, was a shocking reminder.

He would have been feed pretty well due to his military assignment, and still, he was mal-nourished with parasitic worms as long as 10 inches found roaming his intestines. Not only is North Korea a problem when it comes to nuclear attacks, their human rights abuse is something akin to Nazi Germany. President Trump is tacking a real-life little Hitler, and it will take more than one summit to break down this hermit kingdom.

About Rebecca Diserio, Opinion Columnist 2501 Articles
Rebecca Diserio is a conservative writer and speaker who has been featured in numerous high profile publications. She's a graduate of St. Joseph High School in Lakewood, CA and worked as a Critical Care Registered Nurse at USC Medical Center. A former Tea Party spokesman, she helped manage Star Parker’s campaign for US Congress and hosted a popular conservative radio show where she interviewed Dr. Alveda King, Ann Coulter, David Limbaugh, and Michelle Malkin. A police widow, she resides in Southern California.